California may be on the precipice of an end-of-days drought, but our local water watchers’ money faucet remains tapped like the last call of happy hour. Earlier this month the Santa Clara Valley Water District board took up the topic of increasing salaries to remain competitive. Most employees received around a 5 percent bump in pay for the coming year. But when it came time to look at CEO Beau Goldie’s compensation, board members couldn’t stop themselves from making it rain. Linda LeZotte, sitting in for chair Gary Kremen, who had to attend his mother’s funeral, got the humblebrag started by reluctantly admitting the board and Goldie had “shown just incredible leadership” despite falling short of its top priority—reducing water consumption by 20 percent. She then proposed a 3.8 percent increase in Goldie’s pay to remain competitive with other government agencies, before suggesting an additional one-year 5 percent raise as a bonus. According to Transparent California, Goldie received $417,823 in salaries and benefits in 2013. After some back and forth with the ever-curmudgeonly Dick Santos on what was acceptable for the rest of employees, LeZotte inexplicably made a new motion to bump Goldie’s bonus up to 7 percent. Nai Hsueh jackknifed to second the proposal, which passed unanimously save for an abstention from Barbara Keegan, who cited her absence from Goldie’s performance review as the reason. (Real translation: She thinks Goldie is overpaid but didn’t want to say it out loud.) Like concert babies who forgot their ear plugs, the tone deaf board did all of this while water costs could increase much as 31 percent in the next year. It seems Kremen, the most vocal opponent of performance evaluations and pay bumps conducted in the mirror, is the only one who’s taking a vocal stand on the vainglorious nature of the board. Of course, that’s because he already made his money hooking people during his days as a pioneer of Internet dating.